Subjunctive
by moxieweed
Summary: Hypothetically, Sasuke makes a big decision considering what might have been. AU. Oneshot.


AN: I was just thinking about what life would be like for Sasuke after the Uchiha Massacre, and what I would have liked to have happened. This is all what _could_ have happened, _hypothetically, _if Sasuke didn't take revenge as seriously. If he were hammered a bit more psychologically when Itachi killed the clan. If this be some form of Sasuke!Fanfiction treason... well... so be it. Also... please ignore my attempts to brainwash you all with examples of the Subjunctive tense in English. Even the one that I used accidentally.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Naruto, _as it were. I just wish I were a millionaire. If I were to own _Naruto..._ there would be massive changes. But I'm no Masashi Kishimoto. My name doesn't even _rhyme._

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**Subjunctive**

In the silent Uchiha compound, there is no life.

It was a dark place, empty and alone. It was faded, like an old black and white photograph, turning yellow with age, dusty, with the corners bent. It was cold and lonely and abandoned. It was part of a legend that should not have been forgotten, but the once impressive and illustrious Uchiha clan had been wiped out long ago by one of their own. Since then, those streets and houses had scarcely been disturbed. The dust collected, the quiet gathered, and the whispers of an age ago grew. It was a haunted place, a doomed place. Because nothing existed there now, but death.

There is one, though, who persists. One flower yet blooms in this garden of dust and ash. One Uchiha is still alive… though one voice heard can hardly battle the dozens in the mind.

And Uchiha Sasuke hears the whispers of what was once his family as he wanders the empty, echoing hallways of his fathers, leaving footprints in the dust. His fingers slide along the walls, as if the contact can anchor him in the world of today and keep the memories away. It's a losing battle, though, and the memories filter through.

He wanders the halls, Sasuke does, and the memories of cousins and aunts and grandfathers come back to him. He remembers his mothers and his fathers, not technically, of course, but they treated him so. He remembers life before, how loud and happy and bustling! Sometimes he thinks he can hear it all again, but when he looks up, he's faced with an empty room, musty and stuffy. And he sneezes from the dust. He's always been allergic.

Sasuke cries sometimes when he walks the ongoing corridors in the never-ending houses in the Uchiha district. He likes the memories, as painful as they are. He likes being reminded of happier times… but it scares him when the faces start to disappear, when he can no longer distinguish which uncle is which, which of his cousins are the children of which of his aunts, and the names of the old grandmothers who sit and sip tea while they knit.

He digs out the old photo albums, fraying and filled with so much dust that he wheezes and sneezes until his throat is soar. His eyes water, but he blinks it all away and covers his nose, turning the pages desperately. He has never studied something so earnestly before or with so much need.

Sasuke feels the wetness on his cheeks and knows this time, it has nothing to do with the dust. He sees faces he's never known before, people he can't recognize. He knows some, though, and he always comes back to those, stares at those the longest. He doesn't know this feeling he has when he stares at his mother's smile, his father's frown. He looks at Itachi and feels something he also doesn't know. He decides not to think about it anymore.

For a while, the photos helped, and the faces gradually came back, distant and not quite right, but it was better than staring at an empty face and feeling you should recognize who that is.

But Sasuke nearly panics when the voices start to drift away. He knows now he's lost something that can never be regained. How can you relearn the voices of the dead?

Sasuke keeps the photo albums out now, where he can see them all the time. It seems everyday he loses one more name and one more past relationship is forgotten. He still sees them, though, when he walks the halls, walks through the memories. There aren't so many aunts and uncles now, and all he can see is the black Uchiha hair, the dark eyes, occasionally spinning with Sharingan… He hears voices, but they're garbled, untranslatable, and he knows they're just from his imagination, because they're too horrible to be real. Sasuke hates the memories now; they scare him, because he's finally starting to lose his connection with his family, though he held on so tight.

What scares him more, though, is that one day when he'll walks down the halls, and see nothing. The day when he'll be left with nothing but a snapshot of sunny happiness, the fading feeling of being loved by a community of people he can no longer remember. When he reaches out and can no longer feel the warmth of his mother's hug… more than Itachi, more than failure… that is what he fears the most.

He only hopes he can kill Itachi before that day comes. He still likes to think that when he comes home with Itachi dead, he'll find the Uchiha district alive again.

It takes him a year and a half to accept that that will never come true.

Sometimes, Sasuke doesn't know what to do with himself. He hates those moments, because he doesn't like silence. He knows this is hypocritical, because he doesn't speak so much himself, but that's usually because there's someone else around to talk for him. There's no one at the Uchiha compound, though, so Sasuke decides to talk to himself. He wanders through the houses and mumbles whatever comes to his head. It helps clear his thoughts, so he doesn't stop.

It's only when Sasuke is ten years old when he realizes that training helps clear his thoughts even more. Soon he's training all the time. Itachi has years of experience on him, but Sasuke decides that he'll catch up and defeat his brother.

Sasuke doesn't spend much time at the Uchiha compound anymore.

It will be a year before he walks the halls again and discovers that he barely sees anything there anymore, faint ghosts of half-imagined memory. He turns the pages of a worn photo album and sees only faces that look like his. There's a whisper in his mind and for one fleeting second, he can hear everything again, calling to him, telling him he mustn't forget them.

Sasuke slams the album shut.

He doesn't know what he should do anymore. He knows he has to kill Itachi, because Itachi killed the clan. But then Sasuke remembers that he hasn't remembered the clan for nearly a year; he's been so busy training and practicing and _getting stronger…!_ He wonders if it's worth it and can't find an answer. He sits listlessly in a room that belongs to a cousin he can't remember, but can think of nothing.

Sasuke doesn't move for two days.

When he goes back to the Academy, he's different. The other children can feel that something is different about Sasuke, but their actions don't change. They do their regular bookwork and then go outside to work on taijutsu and shuriken throwing. Sasuke does his best and ranks in first for that day. The other children aren't surprised at this, but some of the boys still grumble and some of the girls still giggle and blush. But they're all surprised, including Iruka-sensei, when Sasuke doesn't stay after class to keep training.

Sasuke doesn't look back, though, as he walks back home, to the abandoned Uchiha district. He's made up his mind and he has a plan: He'll work hard to be the best shinobi he can be, because he knows instinctively that's what his family would want. He'll remember them, he's decided. He can't forget. He can't forget Itachi, either, though. He knows that someday, he'll face Itachi, but that will only happen when he's ready. Sasuke decides that when he runs into Itachi on an important ninja mission in the future, he'll be ready to kill him. For now, though… for now he'll enjoy what he has left of his family.

He can't allow himself to forget any more than he's already forgotten.

He can't allow his worst fear to come true.


End file.
